We're thrilled to have Karina and Danielle with us today. We are unpacking the healing journey of divorce, specifically the challenges and opportunities that arise when people find themselves newly divorced. Divorce is a complex transition in life, often filled with emotional and physical hurdles. However, it can also be a time of significant personal growth and self-discovery.
Many people view divorce solely through the lens of loss and difficulty, which, of course, is a significant part of the experience. But it's also crucial to recognize the potential for liberation and self-reclamation. For many, ending a marriage that wasn't fulfilling allows them to rediscover their own identity and autonomy.
Janene shares from the perspective of someone who has never been married, watching a woman re-enter the space of her own sovereignty can be inspiring. It's about losing something, yes, but also about gaining a deeper understanding of oneself.
When discussing the process of divorce, it's important to acknowledge both the sadness and the celebration that can accompany it. Relationships, whether they're flourishing or fading, bring valuable insights and growth.
We need to start with an essential question, When did you begin to sense that your relationship was no longer right for you? What were some of the signs and experiences that led to that realization?
Divorce is rarely a sudden decision; it's often a slow, painful recognition of growing apart. Despite the challenges, Jennie, Karina, and Danielle have found a way to reclaim their identities and make decisions that honored their true selves.
We hope that sharing our journeys illustrates that while divorce is undoubtedly challenging, it can also be a powerful catalyst for personal transformation and renewed purpose.
It’s time to rediscover who you are and claim your own divinity.
Connect with Karina on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karinaviverosss
Connect with Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniellemmiera
Connect with Janene on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theacupuncturist_org/
Connect with Jennie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennie_pool/
We're thrilled to have Karina and Danielle with us today. We are unpacking the healing journey of divorce, specifically the challenges and opportunities that arise when people find themselves newly divorced. Divorce is a complex transition in life, often filled with emotional and physical hurdles. However, it can also be a time of significant personal growth and self-discovery.
Many people view divorce solely through the lens of loss and difficulty, which, of course, is a significant part of the experience. But it's also crucial to recognize the potential for liberation and self-reclamation. For many, ending a marriage that wasn't fulfilling allows them to rediscover their own identity and autonomy.
Janene shares from the perspective of someone who has never been married, watching a woman re-enter the space of her own sovereignty can be inspiring. It's about losing something, yes, but also about gaining a deeper understanding of oneself.
When discussing the process of divorce, it's important to acknowledge both the sadness and the celebration that can accompany it. Relationships, whether they're flourishing or fading, bring valuable insights and growth.
We need to start with an essential question, When did you begin to sense that your relationship was no longer right for you? What were some of the signs and experiences that led to that realization?
Divorce is rarely a sudden decision; it's often a slow, painful recognition of growing apart. Despite the challenges, Jennie, Karina, and Danielle have found a way to reclaim their identities and make decisions that honored their true selves.
We hope that sharing our journeys illustrates that while divorce is undoubtedly challenging, it can also be a powerful catalyst for personal transformation and renewed purpose.
It’s time to rediscover who you are and claim your own divinity.
Connect with Karina on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/karinaviverosss
Connect with Danielle on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/daniellemmiera
Connect with Janene on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/theacupuncturist_org/
Connect with Jennie on Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/jennie_pool/
Welcome to Unscripted. Today, we're diving into the powerful stories of Danielle Miera and Karina Viveros, two inspiring single moms navigating their new realities. We'll explore how they've adapted their daily routines, overcome unexpected challenges and found emotional and mental strength, discover the coping mechanisms that have helped them through tough times and hear about the moments of unexpected joy and growth they've experienced. Join us for an insightful conversation about the hopes and aspirations for the future as they embrace this new chapter in their lives. You won't want to miss it. Welcome to Unscripted, your guide to discovering the various options available to you in the integrated and collaborative medicine space.
Speaker 1:I'm Janene Borandi and I've been treating patients with acupuncture for 10 years, and I'm Jenny Pool. I'm a trauma specialist and somatic therapist with a passion for psychedelic-assisted psychotherapy. The objective of our podcast is to explore the various care options available. Through our years of practice, we've found that different modalities can complement each other and conventional medicine. We hope our conversations resonate and help you find the right tools and specialists for your unique needs. We believe in an advanced care model where the doctor is not the only expert. We encourage you to embrace a mindset where your practitioners are your teammates, who ultimately empower you to take control of your health.
Speaker 1:As with every episode, this is not intended to act as medical advice. No patient practitioner relationship is formed from subscribing or tuning in. Welcome to the podcast guys I'm Corina and Danielle, okay, and we're topic today we're talking about is divorce. People are getting divorced, newly divorced, the challenges that come up when we get divorced, some of what I would say as separate from the challenges, maybe some of the challenges that come up when we unencumber ourselves from relationships that we feel like weren't working for us.
Speaker 1:I think that's an important lens as well to explore. Yeah, so I'm going to interject something right there and just say, like the other side of it, from somebody who has never been married, is this perspective Like when I see a woman kind of wandering back into the space of her own sacred existence sovereignty is a good one, that? What is it like to reclaim your? Is that in a sense, yeah, you're losing something, but in a different sense, you're gaining something. You're losing something, but in a different sense, you're gaining something.
Speaker 2:You're trying to figure out who you are again now, after all of these things that you've been yeah and that's another part of it for me too, that as somebody who's never been married, I'm looking at you guys and saying welcome back to yourself like welcome, welcome home to you and I love that perspective because I don't think it's always way like a lot of times when you tell people, I think it's received in more of a sad way, right, and of course there's the duality of like sadness, but I think there is some like celebration and coming home to it as well yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 1:Maybe a good question to start with is, as you guys looked at your so relationships are, they're waxing or they're waning right, and sometimes something in between. So maybe you guys can start, you ladies can start with. Where did you start to sense that the relationship just wasn't, it was. It was what. What was, what was some of your intuitions, what were some of the experiences? What were you like? I'm going to be done here, do you want to go first?
Speaker 2:Do you have an answer?
Speaker 3:I feel like I need some time to think about it, because it's not so fresh for me and I don't know if it's just like that. I've suppressed a lot of it, but I'm searching. I think maybe.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I got married really young. I was 19 when I met my husband and then I got pregnant shortly after we met and we got married when I was 21. And so we've been together for a long time. That's a, um, almost 13 year relationship, um, and I would say a couple of years ago.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's so tricky with relationships because there's when you're in it like it's not always good, and so I feel like there is this sense of questioning, like is this the right relationship, is it not? Is this just like normal wonderings about relationship, like feelings like that? I would say the last couple of years I have like grown and changed a lot as a person and I think, being with someone from such a young age where I didn't really like necessarily know myself, and then being in that relationship for so long, just the last couple of years, I feel like I've changed and become more myself and become more comfortable with who I am. And when that sort of transition started to happen, that was kind of when I started to wonder about the relationship and then, probably in the last year is when I felt more solidified in that. But it's such a big decision that it just took a lot of time to unfold internally and then to actually like make moves to start to lead the relationship to the time as well yeah.
Speaker 3:I think for me it started to feel like it was waning, when I no longer felt safe being authentic in the relationship, when there was like there was no more of a shared awareness and it felt like too much of an inauthentic effort to show up and have conversation and be seen or to even see him. There was too much of an effort, it wasn't natural, it didn't flow.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 3:And it didn't feel safe to be in that vulnerability, to be in that vulnerability, and so I started to recoil and we both started to recoil and separate our lives, our day-to-day, our thoughts, our desires, our dreams, and there was just this sort of incremental, like separate separation of things.
Speaker 3:Yeah, interesting, yeah. Do you feel like it was slow too? It was slow, it's so slow, it was so slow, yeah, and then I think, when it just felt like no way I can't do this, is when I realized that, at the core, our values truly didn't match and for me, being a mother to two boys who are not his biologically, my values were about them and providing, you know, a home and that foundation and that security for them. If he couldn't match me there. So I felt like I was on this pursuit to maintain and create and stabilize that and it was so separate from him and I didn't know how to meet him there or maybe shared awareness you didn't know how to meet him there.
Speaker 3:He didn't know how to meet you. Yeah, sure, yeah, and yeah, yeah, exactly, um, and he had his own needs and values that I didn't know how to meet as well, because they felt really opposing to my core ones and as a mom, if I feel threatened, you know, and it comes to my boys. Yeah, I started to not only recoil but feel defensive for sure.
Speaker 1:Yeah, there's a, there's an element, a layer with what you're talking about too, is they weren't his biological children, while ostensibly people might say that just doesn't matter, but it does. I've worked with so many couples and we're so many people that when they're your biological children and even if you feel like your stepchildren couldn't be anyone more than your own there especially when you're splitting and you're, you know things are starting to fracture it does start start to look different. So I see, as a mom, you being extra careful and protective and even territorial about like, well, hold on these, these two are gonna have priority. Yeah, these two matter, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I remember when, for me, when I started, I was in an 11 year marriage and I just remember going like we're going down different paths.
Speaker 1:I was married I got married I don't remember I was either 24 or 25, but I got divorced when I was 36 and I remember we both would be going to therapy for a while. There were some things going on, but I remember being both would be going to therapy for a while and there were some things going on. But I remember being like we're just really growing apart. I grew up in a really religious family. I was moving away and having a big transition. I was very much interested in staying in that, and so some of those can be death blows to a relationship. I need you to stay in this religion, I want to be in it, and so even that can travers that. What about your afterlife? Yeah, yeah, and also like well, maybe I, I need a wife that's going to stay in this religion and I don't. So that wasn't the only layer. But I remember being like we're really good friends and we're just starting to get on different pathways, and that was really, I remember, feeling really sad about that.
Speaker 1:I was like I'm trying to really love you as much as I can, but as we kind of split these paths, I don't know if that's gonna be enough, because you can love someone, but I don't think sometimes it's enough to sustain the fullness of of a marriage and or of a long-term relationship.
Speaker 3:I like that you say that with such confidence that it wasn't enough, because that was a theme that came through in my relationship where my then-husband would say things like I'm not enough for you. And I've never said that, I don't even think I was ever really conscious of that, you know, I definitely didn't use demeaning or belittling words that would even come close to that. But he would say these things to me and I'd be so confused and I think you're such a liar, you know, like, how could you like make that story up as such a fabrication? And I just couldn't find that connection of like I don't feel that I love you, you know. I just couldn't find that connection of like I don't feel that I love you, you know. And then I realized towards the end and retro set, he actually wasn't enough for me and what?
Speaker 1:I needed. Yeah, I think he was reading between the lines. Yeah, they do, they do and I, and it's sometimes it sucks, because as much as we women feel like we're like we have it all figured out and we can see it all, men are doing their own calculating. Yeah, and I think that they know intuitively when a woman becomes like too much for them and they, they're just like. You know what your life stresses me out you need too much and they and it's almost a kind or I'm not enough for you.
Speaker 3:That can be sometimes a self-worth, attachments, and I remember feeling like I'm not responsible for your self-worth, you know, and of course there was definitely moments of compassion and all of that. But that reclaiming of your worth and realizing that some people or some situations, some things are not enough for you and that you need something different or something more is actually okay, and I just didn't have that understanding that I can.
Speaker 1:I can claim that for myself yeah, I remember powerful yes and I remember I remember this my ex-husband's brother said this to me.
Speaker 1:At the time I was like, screw you, I don't. That's not helpful because we haven't got divorced yet, but we're definitely in some struggles and I'd already had kind of some struggles with his side of the family and so I just didn't. Of all the people. I was like I can kind of trust your motive, but I'm not sure. But in the end I think his motive was genuine and he said you guys are really good people and I think that there can be really good people that just aren't good for each other. So, individually, you guys are great, amazing people, but maybe you're not good for each other. Yeah, I remember initially I was like, it's true, I don't want to hear that, and later I remember being like you're not wrong about that. We are both amazing humans and to this day I think that my ex-husband's an incredible dad. He was a great guy, but we just weren't good together anymore. Whatever was making us good together had changed and we just weren't good together anymore, but we're still really great people.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's been the trickiest part for me, because from the outside, looking in, there's so much good to the marriage and the relationship and it was so stable and in a lot of ways really healthy, but it just didn't feel like the right relationship for me anymore and so it took me so long to really say that out loud, because everything that society said about what a husband should be and what a relationship should look like, I felt like I had that and so that part was really that's been really tricky to navigate did you have to navigate outside voices being like what are you doing?
Speaker 1:your life is fine. Did you ever have any of that? I don't. This doesn't make sense.
Speaker 2:It seems like things were fine yeah, not during, because I'm pretty like private about sharing my personal things, and I feel like the people I did share with were have always been really supportive of me, trusting myself. But definitely after, especially from my parents, they were both like why are you doing this, like this, you shouldn't be doing this. This is like a good relationship. You're going to regret this, like just thoughts like that. I think by the time I like actually started telling people, I was really confident in my own, knowing that it was the right decision, that they said those things and obviously it's not fun to hear those but I kind of got to a place where I was like okay, it's okay for people to like have their outside opinions and I still know what's best for me and making that decision yeah good.
Speaker 1:I remember when you told me, I was like I'm so happy you, you were like yeah.
Speaker 2:I got the best friends because a lot of my friends reacted like yeah. Yeah, Like just it was really empowering to hear that response. I think you have like a similar one too.
Speaker 3:And one actual moment that comes to mind that we shared while you've been going through this process is not only are you going through a divorce, but you're also becoming a single mother, and I think the initial reaction there is like, oh my gosh, like you're not going to be able to do it, like it's so hard, it's impossible.
Speaker 3:How are you going to survive? And I took that on, you know, and I still have a lot of work there, because I'm often in survival mode being, you know, a single parent. But I remember that moment and I still have a lot of work there, because I'm often in survival mode being a single parent I remember that moment with you and saying how wonderful, danielle, that you get to claim the story and say, no, it's going to be fine, I'm going to be okay, you have the resources and a built foundation, foundation and and, and there's just a lot of health that surrounds you on this journey and being a single mother and a newly divorced woman that, yeah, you get to just change that narrative and not be the struggling, fight or fight mother yeah, yeah, well and all the like.
Speaker 1:So I do a lot of couples counseling, and even the ones you you know, obviously people are in couples counseling. They're trying to do something to work on the relationship, but inevitably sometimes you're talking about, hey, this just isn't going that way, and so how do we plan on if we're going to co-parent, what it looks like and strategizing some of those things. So I'll tell you that sometimes one of the reasons that people don't leave unhealthy relationships is resourcing and fighter. You know that fear response of like I don't necessarily think this is the healthiest thing for me, but I don't know how to take care of myself. Yeah, I'm not in it, and so then sometimes that belabors that. You know that waning process doesn't stop necessarily, but then you're in something and so I think it takes a lot of courage to go. I still feel like this is the right thing for me. I'll figure out whatever skills I need to put on board to traverse this space. I'll hopefully resource what I need to to help me through this.
Speaker 1:It's hard when you don't have a lot of resources, right, if someone's navigating that territory, they're like, well, I don't have any. I don't have any to, and when I got divorced, I leaned hard on the family. I was like this really sucks and this is hard, even when it's going as far as divorces go well, and I I can't tell you how many times I called my parents, my brother. There were times I was like I don't need to fix anything. I just needed to hear me.
Speaker 1:I just didn't think it was going to go this way. I don't think that it was gonna. This is what we both wanted, and I just remember being like man. I have a lot of resources here. So if people don't have resources, hopefully they can build some. Yeah, but when? But? But when you're able to lean into your resources, it's such a brave choice to go. I don't know exactly how this is all gonna lay out, but I do know for sure that it's not healthy for me to stay. It's muting my growth, it's muting my ability to thrive in the world, and so if I but at this point I like I'm starting out- in my career and I just don't have um the history to even get approved for like a loan or you know.
Speaker 2:So that was a big piece of it too is like where who's going to live where and how do we navigate this in the reality of like income and income history and resources and things like that. That's been really tricky and also an unexpected hard part is just the financial part of it. Like I knew it would be hard, but navigating that and finding like my own ground on my own two feet has been tricky to figure out how old are you guys. I'm 32, 42, 34.
Speaker 1:Okay 46, 47. How old am I 46, I'm 45. You're in there all of a sudden, okay, we're 45, right. So many, two of you guys.
Speaker 3:I.
Speaker 1:I would say to that, like, as soon as you, as soon as you lock in, there is that, and I'm not talking about locking in an interest rate, I'm talking about locking into a particular trajectory. As soon as you lock into that and you start to build momentum, it's a runaway train and you won't let it stop. And you won't let it stop. And before you know it, you're reaping the benefits and you're tasting the fruits of your success. And it can be a little bit strange. So I'll give you a heads up. As soon as you start to accumulate your money and you're like I've got it dialed in and I'm going to be okay, it gets a little bit tricky and you start thinking a little bit like no, but I have to keep making more. You have to save for a rainy day, and then there's like a thousand rainy days and people are never doing nice for themselves or they're sometimes skimping on self-care, because what if I need this $30 that I'd spent on a pedicure?
Speaker 1:And again, I'm not saying be specific with money, but there's some of that survival mode like, hey, I'm not going to waste this $30, because what if my babies need something down the road that this $30 would bring? And again there's that balance and I think people have to be aware of that. So just like do whatever you want, but more like where's my balance? And I think people have to be aware of that. So just like do whatever you want, but more like where's my balance?
Speaker 1:where I'm still nurturing me where do I self-care and feeding me, especially as I'm able to grow my resources, and and then still taking care of my babies. And for the space it's coming, it is have faith in that you're not going to let it be otherwise yeah, it's coming.
Speaker 3:I'm definitely um starting the discipline. You know where I'm like transmuting thoughts and like no, this is really good, this feels really good, this is gonna keep coming back you know, yeah, or I think the setback that you're thinking right now maybe is like oh my god, financially, I didn't expect this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it's all working for you, I promise, like well, that's great news I was like thank you.
Speaker 1:I'll say a good metaphor for this, because I tell people this even if we're talking about like I'm really lonely, I'm never going to meet somebody, or where is this abundance in my life? I keep trying to manifest. And then, michael, hold on a sec what is in your life right now? That's encumbering, right? Well, if you have a room full of boxes, there's no room for anything else until you move some of those boxes out, and sometimes that's what transitions and relationships are, isn't? This no longer is serving my the highest good of my life, and so as I remove these quote-unquote boxes out, I can make room for whatever is going to come into my life.
Speaker 1:And what's that's? What's hard about that is people like how to keep these boxes here and can the thing just come in? Like you can try and squeeze in, but you got a lot of boxes, so which ones can you take out? In whatever pie of your life you're working on? We're talking about relationships here, so sometimes, when we're clearing is as difficult and hard as it is, it actually makes room for what action is in our eyes, and I grew up with a mom that worked in the gender equity center and she was always like had marketable skills. She was working with 40, 35, 40, if you're a woman who were pretty displaced because they would be married and then they would get divorced and they would have no marketable skills and then their financial resources were very limited.
Speaker 1:And then they felt really kind of cajoled by the ex-partner saying well, here's what I will and what pay for. Now I'm dependent, I'm trying to be independent for you, but I'm still kind of dependent on what you will and won't get me right and whatever we worked out in divorce.
Speaker 1:So she was always like marketable skills. Marketable skills and I just want to say this for the sake of the podcast, because I think there's a lot of women out there that don't understand it's not necessarily easy, but there's a lot of marketable skills available to people, even if they plug into voc rehab. Voc rehab well, a place like voc rehab there in town will pay for trainings, trainings and certifications that you can get in a year or less but then give you it's different making 15 bucks an hour versus 30, versus 35, versus 40 versus 50, right, so you can get into the trades, you can do these marketable, get marketable skills and then you can start to be like, okay, I got footing here, I can have resources, like some of the stuff you're talking about with getting connected, people to do retreats, growing your skill set and doing some of the things you love. There were times where I knew I could do something that I that I could do. It wasn't my passion, but it was like a stepping stone to what I eventually loved to do.
Speaker 1:Right, and so just know that there for all the listeners, but also you guys, that there are a lot of places that you can resource that I think people don't even know about. There's a lot of women's resources that are helping single moms that can go hey, let's get you some of those marketable skills so you don't feel so. The world is such a barren, tough place and ultimately they're willing to step into that. We're not talking about four years. You can get a four-year degree and get scholarships for school and stuff like that. But I've been blown away at how quickly someone can get a marketable skills certification that gets them a pretty good income in 12 weeks or less than a year, and they're like I had no idea that this even existed. Yeah, yeah, that's awesome.
Speaker 3:Well, it's amazing because these programs were most likely created by women who have gone through the same experiences. And when you're receiving that kind of help, you see that it's this like interchangeable energy, right, and so you're like receiving and then, yeah, you can also give after that and it's a beautiful exchange.
Speaker 1:I'll give you an example. I had a gal that had got divorced and she was really at loss with financial resourcing not connected with both of you. Have they paid for her cosmetology schooling. She ended up becoming a color specialist and she makes like 80 bucks plus an hour because it's a. It's a niche in that world is to be really good with color. And she's like had you never told me about some of these resources like this, I might be doing $15 an hour door dashing.
Speaker 2:No, nothing against door dashers, but I'm just saying like $15 an hour versus 80 is a game changer for her, so yeah, yeah, something I'm would love to hear everyone's opinion on is, like, just as I'm navigating, being on my own for the first time, really, in my whole adult life, I want to figure out the balance between like masculine and feminine, because I think so much of like even what I'm going through right now, figuring out resources and like action plans, and just how, like my step-by-step of what I'm doing in order to secure myself, secure my kids, secure my home, which I'm really good at I feel like I can handle that, but I don't want to lose the feminine energy of like, softness and being open and I don't know. I think it's a little bit tricky to have a foot in both of those and I'd love to hear it.
Speaker 1:It is difficult because sometimes when you're going into scarcity or like I'm in survival mode, you definitely sometimes go into that one masculine moment and then take care of stuff and make sure my babies have food on the table and make sure that they're taken care of first and foremost and that all the basics are taken care of. Well, you kind of have to, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I think, how you nurture that, well, you kind of have to yeah.
Speaker 1:So I think how you nurture that, even if you didn't have money to spend on yourself, how you stay connected to the feminine energy, is a creative, flowing, beautiful force. It's like the ocean versus the rocks, like the masculine force is the rocks that the ocean crashes on. That grounding, stabilizing force, with the ocean is constantly moving, so tapping into any of that kind of energy. So how we interact with our kids, how we're bonding and connecting, because sometimes when we're in survival mode, we're like here's your crackers.
Speaker 1:yeah go to bed yeah, I'm gonna go, I'll take a bath and go. Even sometimes I haven't taken a bath. Sometimes it is sitting in the water taking a bath and connecting to any and all emotional debris that I need to let go of. Tonight, from this day, I slop off in the water and, as someone's like, well, you're just saying stuff like maybe you are, maybe you're not, but if it makes one percent of a difference, isn't that better on your psyche than if you did nothing right?
Speaker 1:it makes behind it yes, if you don't think that, if people don't think that their intention, married to their thoughts, married to their actions they take, and also how, then they eventually live their life. It's just every system in our body is, is meant to work together in cohesive harmony. The cardiovascular system doesn't work without the endocrine system. It doesn't. Some people are like so disjointed and like, if I think that that doesn't like okay, I want a million dollars from it. That's not how it works.
Speaker 1:But attaching action to thought, to then creating an outcome is very much so. If you think in your mind, like I'm going to slop off the day and I'm going to connect to my feminine self, I'm going to connect to the beauty of being a mom, even though this is hard, I'm having to really hustle out there to keep things afloat. Here's my time, even if it's just 10 minutes a day, to connect to my feminine part, because it is so easy and I'm telling from experience to snuff that part out, go hustle, hustle, hustle, and then when you do that, you actually create more of that. It's interesting how it affected my physical body over time to do that, because I didn't just jump into some other relationship where I got taken care of, and so it took me a while to unwind from all that masculine energy.
Speaker 2:It affected my endocrine system.
Speaker 1:It affected how my hormone balance. It affected sometimes even the way I interact with my kids. Sometimes, instead of getting sometimes a soft, patient mom, they got like are we doing what we asked? Are we listening? Like gentle parenting went out the window and I was like I might yell at you right now I'm gonna take a, but I'm hanging out. It's like I had to really sometimes check myself on irritability, exhaustion, and so sometimes it was even just taking a nap and going. My body needs to rest and rest it.
Speaker 1:And where can I connect to softness, to connect to and even like sexual energy? It doesn't have to be having sex with somebody else, because women's some of the feminine power is how we respond to our sex, like our sexual side. It's like what the image that came to mind is a dance with belly dancer, versus like men aren't getting up there and doing some sensual belly dance. I'm not trying to be mean about men, maybe they can't, but it's like. It's like flowing with that energy and connecting to it and just remembering.
Speaker 1:It's really easy to, I think, forget it. You say that I like to song. Yeah, I know, we all as women right now it's that undulation of the earth energy. It is mother earth. And saying I can connect. I don't have to. I can't do this. And you can tell yourself this. I can't do this for eight hours a day. I can't do this for four hours a day. When my baby's in bed, I can remember that I'm feminine and that I'm soft, and that I don't always have to be this hard hustler who's trying to survive in the world. Here's the woman part of me. You get to breathe. If you don't let that breathe, eventually the body keeps score.
Speaker 2:I'm going to cry.
Speaker 1:It's good. I just know from experience.
Speaker 1:I've had to work this last year on really unwinding after having a long hard hustle, um to like repair my body, because if you get used to just being in a hustle, even even once I got back into a relationship, I was like it's yours is yours, what's mine is mine. Right, we are together, but independent. Yeah, for a while he'd be like can we join forces? I was like two up one. It was very, very like I I literally had this person that and people can take this for what they want read some energy on me and they're like you got like a moat around you and there's really hard to get into that moat. I'm like I don't just let anyone in anymore. And I had really, but it was so masculine.
Speaker 1:I was protecting my territory. I was protecting my body. I was protecting so much of my psyche to be like it's almost I don't got time for that. I gotta still hustle over here and unwinding from that hustle energy is like. Sometimes I have a hard time with relaxation and downtime like there are times my boys are like mom, you don't know how to relax. I'm like right about, perfect, I might see you in 10 minutes. I guess what we're gonna do. Watching a movie I was like yeah, that's kind of boring.
Speaker 3:I guess I'm out, so I guess my screen.
Speaker 1:He's like jeez, so it's really letting it breathe and people think that you don't have to do it, like you don't have to match it minute for minute, like while I was four hours in the mask and it's not to be four hours, yeah, it's. Hey, I had to hustle hard today and I was eight hours in the mask. Then, okay, there you are, you exist. I can't give you a lot of time right now, but here you are and then you move back to the house until you don it, until you don't have to, right? So I guess I'll add to that.
Speaker 1:When I think about feminine and masculine, I always think about the yin-yang symbol, and the dot on each of the opposing colors represents a little bit of the masculine within the feminine and a little bit of the feminine within the masculine. And we did this exercise in acupuncture school, where we had the yin-yang symbol and we superimposed the seasons onto the yin-yang and in the yin-most season you've got the wintertime and then it moves into the spring, which is a yang season, and then it moves, you know, into the summer, which is also yang. Then it falls into the earth, which is starting to wane, into autumn, which is yin, and we come back into the yin most season, and we all have these seasons in our lives where we have to be. We have to show up in the yin or the yang. When we get old, we, we transition into the yin and I dare I say you and I are in our earth phase, yes, where we are harvesting the fruits of our labor.
Speaker 1:Yes, and we're starting to look at that trajectory of like, wow, it'd be nice to come down, it'd be nice to come into the yin. So if you can see it too in a little bit of that sense that it's, it's just a season, it's not going to be that way forever, and even the times that that feel really good and you're like, yes, I am here, it's like being able to have that awareness of it's not going to be that way forever. So find some space in your mind and your heart where you're solid in who you are, and I think that just like a plug for mindfulness practices, yoga, breath work, meditation apps, long walks in the morning or in the evening, laying in the sun, yes, laying in the sun.
Speaker 1:Sun is yes, rejuvenate in the sun.
Speaker 1:Whatever it is that makes you feel like, okay, this is it, and this is peace, and this is what defines me as a human is this moment because it's me and it's mine, and then I can go back into the fray, right, because we do, we have to go back into the fray. But this, yeah, these little moments, that kind of define you, I think, for everyone. That's a little bit of the yin, that's a little bit of the feminine. And men do it too, they do it a lot. They would call it me time or man cave or you know whatever, whatever they call it, but that's their yin, that's their feminine. So it's interesting because that makes me think of um, I say that a lot to my clients, whether they're struggling with anxiety, depression, but remember, that emotion hasn't, has a start and then it has an end.
Speaker 1:It has, it has an arc, and so, as you're traversing sometimes uncertain times, we should never really feel discombobulated. We feel disorientated to go. At some point this is going to have an end. So what do I need to do to help me feel like I can take, keep taking one step in front of the other, like this is going to pass. And and I say that and again, as I told you guys earlier, I still remember sitting on top of the stairs and being like I know it's going to pass. I know this is what I want.
Speaker 1:Today, it really f-ing sucks, like my house is empty. I didn't know. I didn't. I had a guess, but I didn't know that this is how it was going to feel. Yeah, and I still want it like I still don't. I still want to go forward in this, but, man, I'm having to really deal with some hard emotion and what am I going to do with that?
Speaker 1:So, sometimes, sitting through that pain and that, that, that just those tough feelings, and then knowing that, hey, this is going to pass, and then through that, hey, this is going to pass, and then, through that, there's actually a TED Talk and when anyone's going through a breakup I send this one to them is breakups don't have to break us. And it's really good, because one of the things he says is one of the reasons they're so disorienting breakups are because we are beings wired for connection. We thrive on them. We wilt without them. So when we're breaking one up, even if we know that's in our best interest, it's we're breaking attachment bonds and we're we're almost purposely disorienting ourselves. I mean like we're ending this attachment bond. Hopefully we have another one, but in the meantime we feel really lost in this terrain.
Speaker 2:Well, and there's grieving, like there's a lot of grieving which I like knew consciously from my brain, but I think actually feeling it and living through that grieving process which I'm actively in, like right now, yeah, there's like there's a lot to that that I just.
Speaker 3:You can't plan for it.
Speaker 1:It's one thing to think about. It's another thing to think about. It's another thing to feel it. Yeah, and almost. And then some people don't let themselves feel it. We distract from it. Sometimes we need to distract from it, but when we let our emotional body breathe, the body won't keep score versus pulling things or kind of pulling away from it or dissociating. Dissociating from it is learning how to move through, like a screen where water is running through because I'm gonna go ahead and do what I need to do and move through this. So it's, but it's nothing you could have imagined.
Speaker 2:Yeah I love, I loved watching your art unfold like in your grieving process. Thank you, yeah, that was like just from an outside perspective, like really beautiful to witness. And I wasn't in it, you know, no one was in it with you but just to see you like process the grief of what I think was like your marriage, oh yeah.
Speaker 1:And like see it come out through your art, but let's say the medium that you're able to use, the vehicle that you're able to use to create expression, to not just pull it inside of yourself but to get it out to express yourself. Let's say this piece is, and people do it with music, they do it with their words, they do it with art. There's so many different ways. Thank you so much for sharing For us. We want to be a voice that when people listen to this they go that helped me, or wow, that was insightful, or wow, that resonated with me, that spoke to me.
Speaker 1:It's just beautiful to see your guys's personalities and how they just show up and your willingness to you. Could just see the emotion in your essence and your eyes. It's so authentic and I appreciate that. So, and I want to say you're both in business, you have your things, that you're doing, your initiatives, and if you want people to contact you, how, like? How could they contact you, whether it's to reach out for support or to art therapy or maybe buy a house from you. Like you're business women you're, you're doing your thing like, how can people get in touch with you?
Speaker 2:I'm probably just on instagram, it's like the best way to find me. So it's just danielle d-a-n-i-E-L-L-E-M and then Mira M-I-A-R-A. Cool, Cool.
Speaker 3:We'll tag you for sure, yeah, yeah, and I'm definitely in the construction phase of things, but I love to foster new connections with people that resonate, so I think Instagram is a great way too. Viva Rose, so V-I-V-E dot R-O-S-E. And yeah, I hope to soon start my work in the integrated wellness scene bringing in the physical health, the emotional, the creative and the spiritual. Nice yeah.
Speaker 1:AKA Powerful Women's Retreat. Stay tuned. Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, thank powerful women's retreats. Stay tuned absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, thank you for inviting me definitely it's going to be a part two. Thank you for joining us on unscripted. I'm jenny pool and I'm janine barandi. We hope you found today's discussion as inspiring and insightful as we did. If you have any questions, comments or stories you'd like to share, we'd love to hear from you. Connect with me on Instagram at the Acupuncturist, and you'll find me on social media at MEND Counseling Center.
Speaker 2:Until next time, remember that the best gift you can give to those you love is the gift of your own good health.